dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
