yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
