it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
