what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
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