The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Lo siento on account of my penis...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
