Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
