I only kidnapped one of them. chill
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
