the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
