just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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