There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
