last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
