Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
