were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
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Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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