Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
