I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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