C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
