When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
