if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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