i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
