I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
