i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
