You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
