3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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