Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
