Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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