At least make sure they are 18
Why
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
