Dual....:-)
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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