what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
