Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
