I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
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pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
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Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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