All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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