Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
