Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
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