Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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