But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
