Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
