He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
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