Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
