i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
