She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
