If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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