Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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