Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
