Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
