just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
