your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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