Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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