PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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