what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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