well I can't set my house on fire every night
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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