Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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