So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
