Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
