I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
