it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
