i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I think I won the penis lottery.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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