Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
