not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
