I'm lost and stupid without you.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
