All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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