i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
