New low: just hacked my moms facebook
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
