i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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