Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize