I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
