Whod you bang
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
