Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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