If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
