God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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