Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
