So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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