I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
