i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
