I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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