12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
